Godward Toil

Christ-exalting friendships: A parent's role (Family Miniconference)

Readers of this blog may be interested in a mini-conference I'm involved in organizing. If you're in the  Rochester area, consider joining us:

On Saturday, March 26 Journey Christian Church will hold a mini-conference for parents, grandparents, and others in the body the Christ. The conference is titled, "Christ-exalting Friendships: A Parent's Role."  The conference will kick off with a delicious breakfast followed by teaching from Bible about godly friendship and testimonies from three families in our body with different perspectives and experiences in guiding children and youth in their friendships.

The conference was motivated by questions many parents are asking:

• How do parents begin to train their children to make wise decisions in choosing the people that they spend time with?
• How do we find the balance between loving non-Christian friends, and being subjected to too much ungodly behavior?
• How can parents respond when their kids accuse them of "judging" a friend whom the parents think could be a negative influence?
• How should we communicate with other parents of teens when we have different philosophies or ground rules?
• How do we teach our kids how to be a good friend to others, including peers who have special needs or are "hard" to be friends with?

Breakfast:  8:15-9:00 a.m.
Conference: 9:00-11:30 a.m.

To learn more about the conference, to register, and to request childcare, please follow this link to the registration webiste.

Morning checklist includes potty

About a week after my last post about my four year-old son using Mommy's inbox for a birthday request, I found this index card on his dresser. I guess he's getting the checklist habit as well as the inbox habit!

Mommy's inbox is a good place for a birthday wish

 
My four-year-old son seems to have adopted at least one part of the GTD workflow. My wife found this note in her Inbox yesterday. This made me smile. He's watching our habits and he likes what he sees!  He sees stuff go in to Mommy's box--notes from Daddy, party invitations, educational articles, church bulletins. He watches Mommy faithfully process these many inputs onto action lists each day (note the InboxZero state in which he found her--what a wife!). And then he has the privilege of seeing the whole process culminate into action as she diligently works her lists. The boy knows a fruitful process when he sees it. He figured out that his chances for a "higHer Bascetball hoop.For my Birthday" are best if he presents the request to Mommy in a context in which she put it on an action list.

He has also started to put his preschool work into my box when he gets home at lunchtime each day. I think he enjoys having a place to put things where he can (a) trust I will see them soon and (b) not have to clutter his brain or room with things that can't be acted upon until I'm home from work. When I get his little treasures, I bring them to him so we can enjoy them together.

Now, all of this asynchronous communication through inboxes could lead a person to object, "OK, you're getting things done, but isn't this a sterile form of communication? I mean, is he your son or your employee?" Fair question. I can imagine scenarios in which children can only communicate their needs and love through the inbox of an absent parent. Daddy works 14 hours a day, so the kids can only share their drawings by placing them in an inbox where they get processed along with the utility bills. Mommy is so preoccupied with her own life that she wouldn't remember her son's birthday if he didn't put it on her list. 

The sin and sadness of those scenarios don't have to do with the inbox, of course. The problem is in the parents' hearts and lives. My wife and I are not immune to such selfishness. We need the gospel everyday to cleanse us and turn our foolish hearts back to the superior pleasures of God. As that happens, though, He does orient us toward nurturing, teaching, and encouraging our children. And as they experience us pouring ourselves out for their good, the inbox becomes an extension of a trusting relationship--a symbol of affection meeting action. The inbox and project lists bring the security that Daddy and Mommy guard their attention and keep their commitments.

Speaking of project lists, my wife and I have an active project to carve out some space in our home for each of our children (turning 3, 5, and 7 year-old soon) to have their own in/outboxes, files, and work surface. Although they are so young, God is bringing inputs into their lives all the time. They have ideas and goals and responsibilities. We keep a wiki for my daughter of writing ideas for her 1st grade assignment--our goal is for her to take that over some day. Whether our children will ultimately adopt these habits as their own, only God knows. But we're trying to share with them as much of what we've learned as we can. Whatever their habits, may they be productive for the Kingdom!

Related Posts:

A Heritage of Habits: GTD for the family

Current focus for biblical productivity: Church teams and children

I'm part of a new leadership team that is starting at our church to support and strengthen our ministry to children.  My wife and I are also working to launch a family-inclusive small group that aims to equip ourselves and other families to have vibrant and productive God-focused lives together, including discovering and practicing the most fruitful ways to have family devotional time, family scripture memory, and generally live a Deuteronomy 6:7 life with our children.

So there are two topics about which I'm thinking a lot right now, and will likely blog about in the near future:

1. Church team productivity.   I deeply desire for our team to be fruitful for God in every sense.  Part of the spiritual call to leadership is to steward well the time and energy God has given team members.   We want our work to matter for the kingdom.  We want to be wise and skillful for God, leveraging any available tools and resources to accomplish the work He has given us.   And we want everyone on our team to be strengthened by their service.
2. Productive avenues of teaching and discipling children.  Our church has adopted a phrase to describe our mission: "To make more and better disciples."   How do we do that more and better as a family and as a church with our children?

I'm thankful that God has shown me and my family some of what he wants us to focus on in 2009. In pursuing these callings, part of my personal discipline needs to be discerning how much will be useful to share here.  The questions I have to ask myself before opening an editor to compose a blogpost remains the same:  1. Could posting this thought/observation/link help me or someone else be more fruitful in God's kingdom?  2.  Will posting distract or strengthen me from actually doing?  We'll see how often both of these answers are yes, but I feel energized by God's leading and the synergy I'm sensing in what he is calling me, my family, and my church to right now.

A Heritage of Habits: GTD for the family

I desire to have children who are fruitful and focused for the Lord, and family that lives in a next-action mindset, ready to take whatever next steps in faith we are called to take.   

In that vein, I have been thinking a lot over the past two years about how to incorporate the GTD methodology and other principles of productivity in our family's life, and how to instill these practices in our children from a very early age.   I mindmapped a bunch of ideas about this a couple of years ago, including how to leverage knowledge of child development to instill next-action thinking in kids.    Here is an example (.pdf) of one such map (note: it's pretty busy, so you'll need to zoom in to read small font in some parts).  I have others that I hope to share as I blog more about this.   

I was inspired to re-look at these old maps by a terrific post by Micheal Sliwinski that I read today at GTD Times.  The article offers good, concrete advice for families based on Michael's experiences implementing GTD at home.   I recommend checking it out if you're thinking about how to do this with your family.    From what I can tell, Michael Sliwinski will be contributing regularly about this topic, so I'm eager to learn more from his experiences.

The inspiration to revisit my maps and ideas about GTD in the family comes at a good time.   First, I am preparing to teach a three-part seminar in Sunday School at our church.   This seminar will build on the pilot seminar I presented a year ago to three couples from our church.   The presentation this month will have many more participants, God willing; and I suspect those who attend will be at various points in the life cycle.   I know that family life and child rearing is important to this group, so I need to refocus myself on these ideas in order to be as helpful and relevant as I can be.   

Second, it's a good time for this to resurface because our family is preparing to move to new home in June.  So, we're in major planning and set-up mode.   We're doing lots of things to try to build GTD into our new living space.   For example, we've dedicated what was the dining room in the house to be a "family office," with the idea of having a dedicated productivity hub for the kids.   I'm also building a home office where I'll have my own hub.   It's an exciting time to think through how we want to order our lives and our children's habits.

With a move and a job change coming in the next two months, I doubt I'll blog any more than my usual 2-3 posts per month.   But I'm eager to use some of these opportunities to gather and pray through my developing ideas about GTD for God's family.

My Godward Toil Story (Part 3)

...Continued from PART 2.

I tend to have a preference for orthodoxy, so once I decided that I would try GTD I wanted to implement it by THE BOOK.   But the book said it could take 3 days to start!  How would I find 3 solid days (!) to reorder my work and home life?   I decided that I would try to do it in 2 days, and set them aside during the week of Christmas when things are quieter around my workplace.   I prayed that God would be pleased with this step, and honor it by giving me great speed.   Instead, God provided an additional two days!   We were visiting out-of-town family for Christmas and both of my kids got sick, causing us to come home early.  It was sad and hard for us to leave early, but by the time we got home the kids were much better and my wife and I decided to seize the moment for me begin my GTD implementation  It turns out I needed it--it took 4 full days to bring order to my complicated life.

It is appropriate at this point to note my wife's role in this.   By nature, she is a more organized person than I am.  She never criticized me for the way I managed things (or didn't), but my attitude when tasks around the home would come up was terrible.  I often grumbled and complained, and she bore the brunt.  It pains me to think about how it must have discouraged her to have a husband so full of energy and ideas, yet so ineffective in responding to the day-to-day details of our family's life.   Many times, I forced her into a position of having to organize me with lists and schedules, which wasn't good for either of us, nor is it how God intends a marriage to be.  When I told her I was ready to try a new system, she was probably skeptical but was extremely supportive.  She gladly gave me the time, and the space in our home I needed to implement my plans.

to be continued...